Dying in the Sun
by senshixdoukeshi
Summary: On a long and hard journey Heero and Trowa find solace in each other. Warnings: Shonen ai 1 3 , angst


AN:  Another song fic… 

Disclaimer:  As always I do not own Gundam Wing or the song Dying in the Sun.  The Cranberries do.

Warnings:  Shonen ai, angst, philosophy

_//denotes song lyrics//_

Italics denotes quote 

Dying in the Sun

_//Do you remember the things we used to say? //_

            Trowa walked into the small room he and Heero had rented on their way to Sicily searching for Marshall Noventa's wife.  The dark room had no light, the only illumination coming from streetlamps below them.  He could see the dim outline of Heero's body.  The blue-eyed boy was sitting under the window his back to the wall.  He seemed so small, even in the tiny room they shared.  Folded in on himself like a worn rag doll, he looked so frail in the faded light.  Walking towards him. Trowa was surprised when Heero raised his head and trails of tears fell down the perfect cheeks.

            Perfect…the word just seemed so right even now as he wept silently. Trowa knelt next to him, for the first time he said nothing not because it was not needed but because he did not know what to say.  

            "Do you remember what I said to you back at the circus?"  The Asian's deep blue eyes sparkled with trailing tears.  Trowa nodded slowly.

_//I get so nervous when I think of yesterday. //_

            "I hate thinking of what I did, have done.  How many people have I killed?  How many lives have I ended?"

            Trowa remained silent.  If he knew anything it was that sometimes people needed to, for a lack of a better word, vent.  And he'd also discovered that he was a good dump, taking their worries and adding them to his own.

            "I die every time I fight."

            It was amazing how steady Heero's voice was as the tears streamed down his face in rivulets.  Trowa nodded, blood was not necessary for death.  No matter how cold you tired to be, the harsh truth was their hands were stained with blood.  A crimson tattoo nothing could erase.

_//How could I let things get to me so bad? //_

            "I killed innocents…I miscalculated."  Trowa watched as a new wave of tears flowed from the large blue eyes.  The pain etched there making his cold, distant heart ache unbearably.

_// How could I let things get to me…//_

            Trowa felt Heero's anguish and knew it all too well.  They were machines of war forged in the heat of battle, a heart encased in ice and steel, but it was there.  Each battle, each death tore a small hole in the surprisingly delicate threads of their hearts until, riddled with holes, they bled all the time.  But encompassed in their mechanical prison, locked down tight, they could hardly beat.  The dull pulse keeping an empty vessel alive.

_//Like dying in the sun_

_Like dying in the sun_

_Like dying in the sun_

_Like dying…//_

Death, dead, dying, what were they?  Trowa didn't know and he had a feeling the strangely perfect boy in front of him didn't know either.  The tears hadn't stopped this whole while and Trowa had sat back numbly as Heero had cried alone.  Suddenly the thin frame began to shake unnervingly.  Heero's body lurched forward and Trowa automatically caught him and prevented him from falling completely.

_//Will you hold on to me, _

_I am feeling frail? //_

            Heero clung to Trowa in a desperate attempt to grab and hold something permanent.  Something that would always stay.  Pulling Heero close, Trowa cradled the sobbing boy gently.  Not usually one for physical contact, Trowa felt strangely comfortable holding Heero close.  Another soldier, another tender heart torn and bleeding behind a wall of steel that would never come down.  Still Trowa said nothing:  words were unnecessary and cumbersome. 

_//Will you hold on to me,_

_We will never fail. //_

Rocking gently Trowa stroked Heero's back, still silent.  As the heart wrenching sobs quieted and stopped they still clung to each other, desperate to hold someone near for just a little while.  Trowa realized that they as humans fall, but they would never hit bottom.  Things could and no doubt would get worse, this was war after all, but right before they were dashed on hard unforgiving rocks they were caught.  And now was one of those times.  They had no one else, could not have anyone else.  Trowa's heart clenched painfully in his chest as he remembered Midii Une's last words to him before he had walked away.   _I hate empty people like you!  _The words rang in his mind.  It was wrong.  Not empty, only locked away, every emotion pounding relentlessly against his barriers, trying to break out.

_//I wanted to be so perfect you see…//_

            "Perfect," Heero spat bitterly. "Dr. J's perfect soldier, a heartless killing machine.  If I'm so perfect why did I make a mistake?!"

            "Because you're human."

            Heero's head snapped up to stare into Trowa's eyes.  Trowa read the disbelief there.

            "You are."  He whispered harshly, threading his fingers through Heero's.  The contact seemed to steady the both of them.  "We aren't machines Heero.  We breathe, we bleed, and we die… But now is not the time.  We're needed."  Trowa's fingers moved restlessly in Heero's, twisting and twining into different positions.

_//I wanted to be so perfect…//_

            "Dr. J can make another perfect soldier…"Heero denied despondently. "I'm useless."

            "Don't say that!"  Trowa took Heero's chin in his hands, forcing the bleary blue eyes to meet his.  "You're worth more than you think.  Do you honestly believe someone else could have done what you did?!  Give your life so freely?"

            Trowa don't you see?  I only followed orders!  I only did it because I was told too!"  Heero sobbed, voice cracking with suppressed emotion.

            "So what?"  Trowa soothed, running a gentle hand across Heero's cheek.  "You did something I probably could never do…you amaze me."

            Heero looked up wonderingly into the surprisingly gentle emerald eyes.

            "So strong…"Trowa stroked Heero's cheek tenderly, "So delicate…so perfectly imperfect."

            Heero's eyes widened as Trowa bent and gave him a soft, chaste, and completely undemanding kiss.  Another flood of tears left his eyes as he realized Trowa knew his pain.  Every beat, every pulse, every heartbreak… They were the same.  Once Trowa released him, Heero buried his face in Trowa's chest, screaming out all his pain as Trowa listened, encouraging him with soothing words and tender touches, the likes of which Heero had never known before.

_//Like dying in the sun_

_Like dying in the sun_

_Like dying in the sun_

_Like dying…//_

            They sat in silence afterward, Heero still cradled in the small, warm sanctuary of Trowa's arms.

            "I never asked to be a hero."  He whispered somberly.

            "Heroes are never asked.  They just do…" Trowa replied gravely. "We just do…" 


End file.
